Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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