whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
