yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
