Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
