I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
