I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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