he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
