His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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