Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
