dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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