Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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