Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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