So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
