So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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