is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
