Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
