oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
