Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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