Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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