noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
