I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
