what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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