i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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