Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
