i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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