i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
