just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
