Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
