I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
