who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
