I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize