weddingsv make me drug and hornr
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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