Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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