Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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