Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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