guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
