I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
