I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
