The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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