i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
