Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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