First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
