normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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