He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
