The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
