how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
