She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
