My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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