It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
