i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and she was petting her beer can
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
