You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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