Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
