I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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