dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
