Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
