i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
