I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
